Am I a good friend?

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

Dale Carnegie

I have found I do not do this so well. I do not listen and I strive so hard for people to understand me. This I see is selfish, self-centered and really immature.

Today I was listening to a local Christian radio station. The pastor was talking about how we should ask ourselves what kind of friends we choose for ourselves. Are they people who build us up and encourage us to walk in a way that is righteous and holy? Do they raise the bar or lower the bar in "grace?" Don't get me wrong...there is definately a grace factor that is essential in friendship, but there also needs to be a sense of gentle encouragement...and in some cases brusk encouragement. Perhaps I am just really off on this but I thought to myself which friend am I? I do not fault the choices of my friends in choosing me...but I want to be that person for them. I am often too afraid to say what may need to be said. Afraid that if I am brutally honest, I may lose them. Fear is not a good thing in this sense...and certainly not when I know that they will not leave me if I do tell the truth. In fact, in not telling the truth, I am lying to my friend and hurting them. Anyway, I am rambling and very tired...like you couldn't tell. I also would hope that my friends would tell me the brutal truth. I hope they do not fear hurting me. I know I need it. Such a sentimental entry. Well anyway, good night.